In an effort to NOT really work today…
Things that ROCK!
Things that SUCK:
So, anyone hiring out there?
hoorah!
i'm back. been working on my company's annual convention-training week-quarterly sales meetings. nothing like pulling 60-70 work weeks for an entire month.
now, i can finally breathe. nothing like getting food poisoning on your last day of convention.
C,
With Venus now in a fellow earth sign, you may feel more secure. Even if nothing has changed, you are resting better as you dream of your future with a quiet optimism. Everything may not be fixed overnight, but things are moving, however slowly, in the right direction. Be patient yet determined and you will succeed.
"C,
No matter how you try, you can't fully control the object of your love without changing it into something different. This is complicated, for you may have to give up some ownership in order to recreate the romance you desire. If the love is truly real, there is no reason to fear additional freedom. If it's not, then it's time to let go."
The fall is by far, my favorite season. I have no idea why, but it throws me into the mood of reminiscing over past relationships, past experiences, memories… in combination of wanting to stay in bed all day long, snuggling on a cool night with someone…
So I'm at work, trying to not think about how… "pumped" up I am… *wink wink*.. And then I select the "City of Angels" soundtrack - great mix of blues, soul, and mellow rock. Big mistake. LOL.
Stumble upon Paula Cole's "Feelin Love". Forgot what this song does to me, but in my book, this is probably one of the most erotically-charged songs. If not for the lyrics, it would be for her voice and the yearning in her voice.
"You make me feel like a sticky pistil
Leaning into her stamen.
You make me feel like Mr. Sunshine himself.
You make me feel like splendor in the grass where we're rolling
Damn skippy baby
you make me feel like the Amazon's running between my thighs.
You make me feel love
You make me feel like a candy apple all red and horny
You make me feel like I want to be dumb blonde
In a centerfold, the girl next door.
And I would open the door and I'd be all wet
With my tits soaking through this tiny little t-shirt
That I'm wearing and you would open the door
And tie me up to the bed.
You make me feel love
Lover, I don't know who I am
Am I Barry White?
Am I hot inside?
What would I place with your hot conscious
Oh baby babe babe babe
I will be your death the moon light
Take your time
You make me feel love"
my god, take me now...
I'm a girl. And I'm about to get all girly on this mutha.
I'm having an incredibly bad *fat* day.
Haven't had sex in a week.
Hate my hair. (mostly my bangs)
Must do something about my horrid double-chin, moonface.
Things have changed over the course of the week. Things are much more calmer. There's much more laughter in the air.
After writing the earlier blogs of anger and resentment, we talked about him and I. I've always been one to face something head-on, rather than just sulk it away - so we talked about it. Cleared the air, even.
We talked about how the strain of everyday… whether it be being together, working together… things just weren't fun anymore. We needed to take the pressure off and just breathe some new life into the meaning of "us" - to revisit our friendship, the "dating" phase, and in time, it would lead us back to sex, which was such a strained issue before...
And, we really did.
Wednesday was a great date night with my sister and her fiancée, ending with a kiss at the front door. Friday was a great night at my house for one of my roommate's boyfriend's birthday, more kisses. Saturday was a wonderful day. Spent the day out with his friends - his daughter had just turned 1 - and it was an all-day family affair. Lots of hugs, lots of kisses, lots of laughter and smiles all day long. Hung out at night with a friend I hadn't seen in awhile; he did the same. It was just a great day. Sunday, hung out with friends in the morning, and then off to his place for our usual, but incredibly comforting routine.
It was nice getting us back to what we have always been, extraordinary friends with tremendous adoration for each other. It's almost as if we forgot what we had - with the pressures of the everyday. We had to relearn how to just to enjoy each other's company.
And sure enough, it worked… it led us back … last night. ;)
"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
… who don't quite get what the title of my blog means...
"drinks and amusements to follow."
read this on an invite once. thought the mere sentence was brilliant.
you're prolly scratching your head and saying, "are you kidding me? it's just a sentence."
but it isn't.
it is the promise that the best is yet to come.
I've concluded I'm in a funk.
Yesterday, one of my bosses throws me under the bus to cover another boss' a**. I confront her, and she tells me - "that we have to protect her…". Bullsh*t! At my expense? You must be joking! I then go outside with my friends to go to lunch, and I'm told that my car, parked in FRONT of work, was hit by another car - and the driver took off. I concluded today is going to be yet another sucky day, get into my friend's car and look down, and I've broken a nail. On top of 5 days of no sleep, I was a raging b*tch.
I come home, trying to make plans for dinner… and no one's answering their phones! ARGGGGGGGGGGGH! To let off steam, I decide to vibe it out. I CAN'T EVEN MAKE MYSELF CUM, G*DDAMNIT! OMG!! I can't even get that done!!
C shows up to pick me up for dinner with my sister and her fiance. I go to call her, and I realize my phone has NO signal. We end up having a great time with them. We laughed a lot - which hasn't been working in our favor lately. Good food, good friends - made the whole day much better.
We drive home. It's past 10, C says he's not going to come in - he's going to head home to bed. But then, out of the ordinary - he gets out of the car as I'm getting out. I ask him what he's doing and he says, "Walking you to the door to say goodnight." And I laugh, because it dawns on me, that he's never done it. Not because he didn't want to, but we've never had a situation where he was saying goodnight to me on my porch. He takes me in his arms, and really kisses me. Like, I get that old familiar feeling - despite the bad sex, arguments, lack of sleep - and all I can say is, "Wow. That's how you kiss at the end of a date? No wonder the girls always call you back for another." He says, "Oh shuuudup." and smiles. I smile back.
We're making progress. I still have some hope. I know I do. I finally slept last night.
And it was lovely.
(It's been awhile… and I promise to write something of significance later.)
But I have to vent somewhere. Before I go insane.
I am so incredibly horny right now. It's pathetic. I haven't had sex since last Monday.
I'm going to break out the toys as soon as I get home from work goddamnit.
*AAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH*
...over the past couple of days.
sometimes, all you can do is listen. even the silence conveys a message.
if you truly love someone, tell them. it is a wonderful thing to be loved.
life's too short to dwell on little things.
love unconditionally, forgive completely.
trust implicitly or doubt compulsively. (thanks, quel.)
jealously gets you nowhere. (thanks again, quel.)
your best friends will let you down, but you have to learn to forgive and then let it go in order to grow.
even superman has an off day. let him have his day, weeks, etc.
and most importantly, when someone's about to give up, but you refuse to give up on them, tell them. sometimes, people have to be reminded that they matter to someone.
haven't blogged in ages.
great news though...
1. My baby sis, J... just got engaged to her boyfriend of 15 years! YEY!! Relax, kids... they've been dating since they were 13.. and they're finally taking the big step.
2. Love really does work its wonders. Q's baby sis, Ange... has realized how much she can't do without her best friend (and her son's father) Reu.. and he feels the same way. They will be getting married soon, too!!
3. Got back from the best vacation ever with C. It was amazing. Durango, CO is just heaven. And our time together... was just... I love him. Just that. I love him, completely.
The future is so bright with possibilities.
hope springs eternal.
"That thing. That moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that that person is the only person you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift, and you wanna laugh, and you wanna cry... 'cause you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it'll go away all at the same time."
I told him that the only thing that changes is the sex. our friendship will still be in tact. and that I don't love him any less. and i will still be affectionate. just no more sex, the possibilities or the idea of sex.
I just said it's not fair. to have him half way. and that everytime i meet someone, someone I can possibly have a relationship with - i do the same thing everytime - I compare them to him. always. when things are good with another person, when things are bad with another person - i always compare them to him. It's always been him.
he's my mr. big.
Even though I don't know if I really want a relationship or not, I'm not happy with C and the possibilities of him sleeping with other women. I know he's talking to other women, and nothing's really come of it - or so he says - but it is really bothering me that we haven't had sex in three weeks.
So I told him, that we should just be friends, even if for right now. I told him because I hate wondering if he's sleeping with other girls, and that's why he's not sleeping with me. Or if I'm bad in bed. Or if I'm not attractive enough to sleep with. Or if he just really doesn't sleep with me. I don't like having to coerce someone to sleep with me. I want someone to want to sleep with me. I joked with him this a.m. while we were cuddling, "Thanks for yesterday, it was really nice to see you - despite all this g-rated snuggling." He laughed and said, "G-rated? Here, I can make it x-rated." and pulled down his pants. So I looked at him and said, "That's all I get?" And he said, "Sure, hop on." And I smacked him and said, "Whatever. I have to do everything." And he just laughed. That's when it hit me - I have to do it all.. and I'm tired of it. I think that's why I liked sleeping with Dan, because he has the throw down. But even he doesn't pan out. Chris and I have become just affectionate friends - we're not even friends with benefits.
C isn't handling the news very well. He was like, "You are #1 in my life." And I said, "This takes the sex edge off, C. Now every time we hang out, I won't be hoping we get to sleep together - and not - and then getting let down. The pressure is off."
I am gloomy.
Like the weather.
so. i think that kate hudson, as adorable as she may be, was overrated.
but her comments in a recent interview have struck a cord.
she's been happily married (or at least it is perceived that way) to chris robinson for the past 5 years. but she says she is indeed a modern woman, and understands that monogmy is ideal, just not practical.
her solution? she tells her husband, "just don't get caught."
modern-day marriage, ya think?
...who called me an "asian whore."
I can only reply in those famous words from the illustrious Greg Behrendt...
"You don't know the magic I'm bringing..."
(check his sweet a** out... http://www.gregbehrendt.com)
talk about jaded.
