My sweet little baby girl, Mascara. You were loved.

This past Friday, Chris and I had to put down our other dog, Mascara. She was losing her battle with cancer, and ultimately we knew it was time to say goodbye. She had become a shadow of her former self, and it was heartbreaking to watch. Our weekend was overwhelming - with emptiness, with grief - but we were comforted by lots of well-wishes, and love from friends and other Corgi parents we had come to know.

I have to say though... My "mom-in-law" just sent this email and the once again, I've been reduced to a weepy mess.

How true... From a dog lover.....

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker' s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.

Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me.I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life - - like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The four year old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

a lovely insight into the afterlife.

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

~Inuit legend

Sometimes you just need to hear a good story to get you through your day...

Taken from Justin Rudd's Dog-E-News weekly newsletter -

"THE POSTAL SERVICE NO ONE HEARS ABOUT"

Our 14-year-old dog Abbey died last month. The day after she died, my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. She dictated and I wrote: "Dear God: Will you please take special care of our dog Abbey? She died yesterday and is in heaven. We miss her very much. We are happy that you let us have her as our dog even though she got sick. I hope that you will play with her. She liked to play with balls and swim before she got sick. I am sending some pictures of her so that when you see her in heaven you will know she is our special dog. But I really do miss her. Love, Meredith Claire PS Mommy wrote the words after I told them to her." We put that in an envelope with two pictures of Abbey, and addressed it to God in Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith stuck some stamps on the front (because, as she said, it may take lots of stamps to get a letter all the way to heaven) and that afternoon I let her drop it into the letter box at the post office. For a few days, she would ask if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had. Yesterday there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch. Curious, I went to look at it. It had a gold star card on the front and said "To Meredith" in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith took it in and opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers, "When a Pet Dies." Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God, in its opened envelope (which was marked Return to Sender: Insufficient address). On the opposite page, one of the pictures of Abbey was taped under the words "For Meredith" We turned to the back cover, and there was the other picture of Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper: "Dear Meredith, I know that you will be happy to know that Abbey arrived safely and soundly in Heaven! Having the pictures you sent to me was such a big help. I recognized Abbey right away. You know, Meredith, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me--just like she stays in your heart--young and running and playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets!-- so I can't keep your beautiful letter. I am sending it to you with the pictures so that you will have this book to keep and remember Abbey. One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope the little book helps. Thank you for the beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending it. What a wonderful mother you have! I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I am in heaven but wherever there is love, I am there also. Love, God and the special angel who wrote this after God told her the words." As a parent and a pet lover, this is one of the kindest things that I've ever experienced. I have no way to know who sent it, but there is some very kind soul working in the dead letter office. Just wanted to share this act of compassion.

For more about Justin Rudd, you can find him here at: http://www.justinrudd.com

oh the randomness of it all...

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

taurus

christine, A person who has been irritating you lately will finally disappear from the scene. This makes things go a little more smoothly. A chance to catch up is coming, so there is no need to hurry.

fight or flight?

What is the "fight or flight response?"
-This fundamental physiologic response forms the foundation of modern day stress medicine. The "fight or flight response" is our body's primitive, automatic, inborn response that prepares the body to "fight" or "flee" from perceived attack, harm or threat to our survival.

What happens to us when we are under excessive stress?
-When we experience excessive stress—whether from internal worry or external circumstance—a bodily reaction is triggered, called the "fight or flight" response. Originally discovered by the great Harvard physiologist Walter Cannon, this response is hard-wired into our brains and represents a genetic wisdom designed to protect us from bodily harm. This response actually corresponds to an area of our brain called the hypothalamus, which—when stimulated—initiates a sequence of nerve cell firing and chemical release that prepares our body for running or fighting.

What are the signs that our fight or flight response has been stimulated (activated)?
-When our fight or flight response is activated, sequences of nerve cell firing occur and chemicals like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol are released into our bloodstream. These patterns of nerve cell firing and chemical release cause our body to undergo a series of very dramatic changes. Our respiratory rate increases. Blood is shunted away from our digestive tract and directed into our muscles and limbs, which require extra energy and fuel for running and fighting. Our pupils dilate. Our awareness intensifies. Our sight sharpens. Our impulses quicken. Our perception of pain diminishes. Our immune system mobilizes with increased activation. We become prepared—physically and psychologically—for fight or flight. We scan and search our environment, "looking for the enemy."

When our fight or flight system is activated, we tend to perceive everything in our environment as a possible threat to our survival. By its very nature, the fight or flight system bypasses our rational mind—where our more well thought out beliefs exist—and moves us into "attack" mode. This state of alert causes us to perceive almost everything in our world as a possible threat to our survival. As such, we tend to see everyone and everything as a possible enemy. Like airport security during a terrorist threat, we are on the look out for every possible danger. We may overreact to the slightest comment. Our fear is exaggerated. Our thinking is distorted. We see everything through the filter of possible danger. We narrow our focus to those things that can harm us. Fear becomes the lens through which we see the world.

We can begin to see how it is almost impossible to cultivate positive attitudes and beliefs when we are stuck in survival mode. Our heart is not open. Our rational mind is disengaged. Our consciousness is focused on fear, not love. Making clear choices and recognizing the consequences of those choices is unfeasible. We are focused on short-term survival, not the long-term consequences of our beliefs and choices. When we are overwhelmed with excessive stress, our life becomes a series of short-term emergencies. We lose the ability to relax and enjoy the moment. We live from crisis to crisis, with no relief in sight. Burnout is inevitable. This burnout is what usually provides the motivation to change our lives for the better. We are propelled to step back and look at the big picture of our lives—forcing us to examine our beliefs, our values and our goals.

What is our fight or flight system designed to protect us from?
-Our fight or flight response is designed to protect us from the proverbial saber tooth tigers that once lurked in the woods and fields around us, threatening our physical survival. At times when our actual physical survival is threatened, there is no greater response to have on our side. When activated, the fight or flight response causes a surge of adrenaline and other stress hormones to pump through our body. This surge is the force responsible for mothers lifting cars off their trapped children and for firemen heroically running into blazing houses to save endangered victims. The surge of adrenaline imbues us with heroism and courage at times when we are called upon to protect and defend the lives and values we cherish.

What are the saber tooth tigers of today and why are they so dangerous?
-When we face very real dangers to our physical survival, the fight or flight response is invaluable. Today, however, most of the saber tooth tigers we encounter are not a threat to our physical survival. Today’s saber tooth tigers consist of rush hour traffic, missing a deadline, bouncing a check or having an argument with our boss or spouse. Nonetheless, these modern day, saber tooth tigers trigger the activation of our fight or flight system as if our physical survival was threatened. On a daily basis, toxic stress hormones flow into our bodies for events that pose no real threat to our physical survival.

Once it has been triggered, what is the natural conclusion of our fight or flight response?
-By its very design, the fight or flight response leads us to fight or to flee—both creating immense amounts of muscle movement and physical exertion. This physical activity effectively metabolizes the stress hormones released as a result of the activation of our fight or flight response. Once the fighting is over, and the threat—which triggered the response—has been eliminated, our body and mind return to a state of calm.

Has the fight or flight response become counterproductive?
-In most cases today, once our fight or flight response is activated, we cannot flee. We cannot fight. We cannot physically run from our perceived threats. When we are faced with modern day, saber tooth tigers, we have to sit in our office and "control ourselves." We have to sit in traffic and "deal with it." We have to wait until the bank opens to "handle" the bounced check. In short, many of the major stresses today trigger the full activation of our fight or flight response, causing us to become aggressive, hypervigilant and over-reactive. This aggressiveness, over-reactivity and hypervigilance cause us to act or respond in ways that are actually counter-productive to our survival. Consider road rage in Los Angeles and other major cities.

It is counterproductive to punch out the boss (the fight response) when s/he activates our fight or flight response. (Even though it might bring temporary relief to our tension!) It is counterproductive to run away from the boss (the flight response) when s/he activates our fight or flight response. This all leads to a difficult situation in which our automatic, predictable and unconscious fight or flight response causes behavior that can actually be self-defeating and work against our emotional, psychological and spiritual survival.

Is there a cumulative danger from over-activation of our fight or flight response?
-Yes. The evidence is overwhelming that there is a cumulative buildup of stress hormones. If not properly metabolized over time, excessive stress can lead to disorders of our autonomic nervous system (causing headache, irritable bowel syndrome, high blood pressure and the like) and disorders of our hormonal and immune systems (creating susceptibility to infection, chronic fatigue, depression, and autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and allergies.)
To protect ourselves today, we must consciously pay attention to the signals of fight or flight
To protect ourselves in a world of psychological—rather than physical—danger, we must consciously pay attention to unique signals telling us whether we are actually in fight or flight. Some of us may experience these signals as physical symptoms like tension in our muscles, headache, upset stomach, racing heartbeat, deep sighing or shallow breathing. Others may experience them as emotional or psychological symptoms such as anxiety, poor concentration, depression, hopelessness, frustration, anger, sadness or fear.

Excess stress does not always show up as the "feeling" of being stressed. Many stresses go directly into our physical body and may only be recognized by the physical symptoms we manifest. Two excellent examples of stress induced conditions are "eye twitching" and "teeth-grinding." Conversely, we may "feel" lots of emotional stress in our emotional body and have very few physical symptoms or signs in our body.

By recognizing the symptoms and signs of being in fight or flight, we can begin to take steps to handle the stress overload. There are benefits to being in fight or flight—even when the threat is only psychological rather than physical. For example, in times of emotional jeopardy, the fight or flight response can sharpen our mental acuity, thereby helping us deal decisively with issues, moving us to action. But it can also make us hypervigilant and over-reactive during times when a state of calm awareness is more productive. By learning to recognize the signals of fight or flight activation, we can avoid reacting excessively to events and fears that are not life threatening. In so doing, we can play "emotional judo" with our fight or flight response, "using" its energy to help us rather than harm us. We can borrow the beneficial effects (heightened awareness, mental acuity and the ability to tolerate excess pain) in order to change our emotional environment and deal productively with our fears, thoughts and potential dangers.

What can we do to reduce our stress and turn down the activity of our fight or flight response?
-The fight or flight response represents a genetically hard-wired early warning system—designed to alert us to external environmental threats that pose a danger to our physical survival. Because survival is the supreme goal, the system is highly sensitive, set to register extremely minute levels of potential danger. As such, the fight or flight response not only warns us of real external danger but also of the mere perception of danger. This understanding gives us two powerful tools for reducing our stress. They are:

1) Changing our external environment (our "reality"). This includes any action we take that helps make the environment we live in safer. Physical safety means getting out of toxic, noisy or hostile environments. Emotional safety means surrounding ourselves with friends and people who genuinely care for us, learning better communication skills, time management skills, getting out of toxic jobs and hurtful relationships. Spiritual safety means creating a life surrounded with a sense of purpose, a relationship with a higher power and a resolve to release deeply held feelings of shame, worthlessness and excessive guilt.

2) Changing our perceptions of reality. This includes any technique whereby we seek to change our mental perspectives, our attitudes, our beliefs and our emotional reactions to the events that happen to us. Many of these techniques are discussed in depth in Section 3 and they include: cognitive restructuring, voice dialogue therapy, inner child work, learning not to take things personally, affirmations and self-parenting. Changing our perceptions of reality is best illustrated by the proverbial saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Without actually changing our reality, we can altered our perception of reality—viewing the difficulties of life as events that make us stronger and more loving. In the Buddhist tradition, this is referred to as developing a "supple mind."

Physical exercise can also turn down the activity of an overactive fight or flight response
Perhaps the simplest, best way to turn down the activity of our fight or flight response is by physical exercise. Remember that the natural conclusion of fight or flight is vigorous physical activity. When we exercise, we metabolize excessive stress hormones—restoring our body and mind to a calmer, more relaxed state.

For the purpose of stress reduction and counteracting the fight or flight response, we do not need to exercise for 30 to 40 minutes. Any form of activity where we "work up a sweat" for five minutes will effectively metabolize off—and prevent the excessive buildup of—stress hormones. Get down and do 50 pushups, 50 sit-ups, jumping jacks, jump rope, run in place, run up and down the stairs, whatever. By exercising to the point of sweating, we effectively counteract the ill effects of the fight of flight response, drawing it to its natural conclusion.

Exercise increases our natural endorphins, which help us to feel better. When we feel good, our thoughts are clearer, our positive beliefs are more accessible and our perceptions are more open. When we feel tired and physically run down, we tend to focus on what’s not working in our lives—similar to a cranky child needing a nap. It is difficult to be, feel or think positive when we are exhausted, sleep deprived or physically out of condition.

What is mind chatter?
-If we could read the owners manual for the mind, we would find a full chapter on what is called "mind chatter." Mind chatter is the endless, restless stream of incomplete thoughts, anxieties and self-talk which constantly pulses through our minds. In order to survive, our mind is always "on"—searching for possible threats, dangers, solutions and explanations. This is called our "strategic mind." The strategic mind is always "on"—scanning both our inner and outer world for possible threats to our well-being—either real or imagined. This constant vigilance of the mind not only distracts us with excessive worry but can also trigger the activation of our fight or flight response.

Sometimes, because of the mind’s incessant chatter and worry, we even begin to anticipate dangers or threats that don’t really exist. This is what the soulful and gentle author Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. (Minding The Body, Mending The Mind) refers to as becoming an "advanced worrier." This condition is described brilliantly by Mark Twain who said "I’ve experienced many terrible things in my life, a few of which actually happened." Zig Ziglar, the great motivational speaker, says "Worry is a misuse of the imagination."

Underneath all the mind chatter and fight or flight anxiety lies a quiet place called our "inner voice", the "observer" or the "witness." The "inner voice" is what Walter Cannon, M.D., calls "the wisdom of the body." This quiet place allows us to move beyond our fears, beyond our anxieties and beyond our strategic mind—into a clearer understanding and knowing of what is true and loving. As we will soon discuss, a quiet mind calms our overactive physiology, creating a sequence of physiologic and biochemical changes that improve our physical health.

by Neil F. Neimark

...

corey hart's song, "never surrender", is playing in the background.

my eyelids are still heavy from the erratic sleep.

my stomach still hurts but lacks appetite.

and my heart, despite all the conversations, is still a little broken.

i hurt.

holy cow.

...talk about angry girl.

Monday was a BIG angry day for me. Everything's been good since. :)

Thank God today is Wednesday.

today is the day i want everyone to leave me ALONE!

I'm done.

And I'm done with alot of other things, too.

I'm done with being the fucking "better" person.

I'm done with people making me feel guilty over shit I can't control.

I'm done with people who get to flake on me, and then call me out when I flake (not on purpose mind you but...) for a purely legitimate reason, and then proceed to treat me like shit because apparently their shit doesn't stink.

I'm done with people not backing me up when I cover their ass all the time.

I'm done being concerned with other people's feelings and all that shit. I'm just taking care of my own because no one else will.

The next person who decides that they want to whine/bitch/guilt me, guess what? you're going to get a very loud, "GO FUCK YOURSELF" because I'm fucking done.

happy 100th post to me!

The big 100. I shall be celebrating at the Old Ship w/ my girlfriends!

Just kidding, I'm not really going there just because it's my 100th post. But like I really need an excuse to get down with scotch eggs, bangers & mash, and sticky toffee pudding... all washed down with ice cold Bass ale.

delicious.

Why Jamie Lee Curtis is One of My New Heroes

"MOM, IT'S NOT RIGHT" by Jamie Lee Curtis

As the denouement of a really upsetting celebrity scandal came to its close, a tearful child pleaded to her mother... "Mom, it's not right."

It was a painful episode to watch. A young woman, begging her mother, the person who should have taught her right from wrong, to help her, to teach her the rules of life. It was a little too late. And so she wept as the Universe was bringing the teaching and settling the score.

I'm in no glass house. I understand only too well the pitfalls of maternal amnesia and denial. I am not throwing stones but merely a lifesaver, a buoy of sanity and understanding.

"My analyst told me, that I was right out of my head," Joni Mitchell sang in the song "Twisted." I was twisted. I am twisted. I am deluded that my attempts at being liked and loved by my children and friends with them -- all at the same time -- were going to result in "well raised children." We were the generation that would take the job of raising our children and turn it into... PARENTING. We were the generation who applauded every move they made. Every step they took. "Good climbing, Brandon" was our hue and cry. We were raised by people who didn't "understand" us and now we don't "understand" why our children are so messed up.

It is a national epidemic. Omnipotent children running amok or sitting amok as they watch TV and play electronic games and shop on eBay.

The sad paths of the three most popular young women -- privileged but from varying backgrounds, talented, beautiful and spectacular -- have ended in prison, rehab and mental illness. I hope their mothers are worried sick and wondering, "What could I have done differently?" And our culture should be asking the same question too.

What we need to do is look long and hard at our part in all this. Where did our children get the message that the rules don't apply to them? And where did we, the Mothers, get the message that if we abdicate our responsibilities as Mothers, the Universe will do our job for us? And it does, but without any of the love and tenderness and compassion that we could have given, along with the lessons.

Now it's just the cold hard facts of a jail cell or the emptiness of a rehab room.

I'm not pointing fingers. I'm asking questions.

Can we take the wrenching sight of Paris asking her mother, "why?" and ask it of ourselves?

My analyst told me this: "Children are paparazzi. They take your picture mentally when you don't want them to, when you don't look good, and show it back to you in their behavior."

Let's hope that we all learn what is RIGHT and what is so WRONG.

Wake up, Mothers and smell the denial.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jamie-lee-curtis/mom-its-not-right_b_51507.html

recap of the weekend.

Well, last week we were wiped out from Wednesday’s funeral for Chris’ half-brother, Bruce. Saturday morning, we get a phone call from Chris’ mom. His stepsister, Lisa, had been found dead on Friday afternoon of heart failure. She was only 47.

I had never met Lisa, but - according to Chris - she had a heart condition for sometime, was depressed and was over 300 lbs. Not that she deserved it, but Chris said, "Hopefully, she's at peace now because she was so unhappy alive."

Then, no joke, the very SAME DAY, maybe 20 minutes later at the most... Chris’ estranged tweaker cousin, Cheyenne, stopped by our house. She is wanted in Nevada for grand theft and assault. Back in February, her and her ex-con husband had robbed her mom (Chris’ aunt who had adopted her at birth) and pistol-whipped her dad. They then proceeded to wiped out the family’s safe, stealing over $60k in cash and his prized gun collection, and then went on the lam.

She showed up on our doorstep, but the dogs were acting weird, especially, Joey the beagle. He was freaking out and, instead of trying to rush the person to jump up and down to get petted and licked, he instead kept jumping up and slamming the door. When she finally left, and I called Chris – who then called 911. They instructed me to run around, lock all the doors and windows, grab the dogs and hide – far from windows or doors. They then showed up to take a statement, and keep me company, in case they came back.

Chris and his cousin, her brother, went looking for her – and found her in Cypress at her husband’s family house. Apparently he was caught last week and was in jail. They searched her, her car and called Cypress PD to the scene. They found knives with her, two in her pocket. Cypress PD showed up to arbitrate the situation.

Cypress PD said I was really lucky and that Joey saved my life. The way she was standing at the door when I answered it, they said she was more than likely to rush the door and barrel her way in, possibly hurting me, the dogs and then robbing us. Chris was supposed to go on a work trip Saturday through Sunday, but his boss let him cancel so he could stay home.

After all of this, I made my way to the birthday party I was supposed to be at… and proceeded to drink Smirnoff. It was just nice to be surrounded by my friends. They're so comforting. It was so nice to have them there.

Then yesterday, we found out one of Chris’ buddies from high school – that we see almost every Friday – his dad suffered congestive heart failure.

Now, I just found out that I didn’t get the Disney job I had thought I nailed.

I’m just having a really hard time right now. It’s hard to have faith when things keep going wrong, you know?

as hokey as it may seem, this hits the nail on the head...

Taurus (April 19 - May 19)

It could be that you have been losing faith in your dreams and fantasies lately, dear Taurus. Now is the time to refocus on what you want and move forward with confidence. You have done enough reflecting and reviewing. Now is the time to implement and create. Dream big and don't let others stand in the way of your progress. Today's shift may be subtle, but it should indicate smooth sailing for the next few weeks.

Here's hoping...

[insert heavy sigh here]

Friday was the longest day in a very, very long time.

3 a.m: Chris'half-brother Bruce was missing. His eldest son, Shaun, was calling to find out if we had heard from him, because it wasn't like him to not come home or not check-in. He had gone out to East LA from Chino Hills to teach a class at one of his auto body shops. Chris says no, the last time he had talked to him was in the afternoon as he sat in traffic. So, Bruce's family filed a missing person's report in order to get the GPS tracking locators turned on to find him.

We laid in bed. Wondering. Hoping. Wishing that Bruce had pulled over somewhere to catch some sleep. That he wasn't carjacked. Robbed. Anything.

5 a.m.: We get the phone call. Bruce's body has turned up in the El Monte morgue. He had suffered a massive heart attack. He had an ID on him, but no contact numbers to notify the family.

We took off around to Chino to be with the family. It was surreal. We got to the house, Teri (his wife) was surrounded by her sisters, friends and their 10-year-old daughter, Jessica. Shaun was dragged out by his friends to get some food, since they had been driving all night searching for his dad. AJ, their 6-year-old, was still asleep.

The most heart-wrenching thing was when AJ got up and came downstairs. He immediately ran towards Chris and jumped into his arms. Then he looked around and realized everyone was there and said out loud, "Is today a holiday? Can I stay home please, Mom? Is it a no school day?" Teri then asked Chris if he could tell him, and me, Jess and Shaun would go with him for support. I would die happy if I never have to hear or see a 6-year old's face again that hears that his dad isn't coming home. It broke my heart to see his face, hear him cry out, "nooooo, not daddy, why? why?"and to watch him crumple into Chris' arms.

He didn't smoke. He didn't drink. His personality was so big, and his love of life and everything in it was bigger.

Why, God?

To resonate...

Have you ever come across something that you read/skim/think about... and it just really resonates with you? It's not big secret that I'm a fan of John Mayer, especially his bluesmanship, but of his writing, too. He blogs a bunch of different places... sometimes funny, sometimes obscure... but all witty... Here's my favorite entry... I hope you enjoy it.

...
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2006
CHANGE
I've been thinking about something lately.
Imagine this:
You're on an airplane, sleeping with your head against the window, your heart set on being home this time three hours from now. All of a sudden, something goes very wrong. The plane stops moving across the air and instead starts falling through it. The lights are flickering and the movie is skipping. The plane dips hundreds of feet in seconds, and the yellow cups fall from the ceiling. They're a brighter shade of yellow than you remember, because unlike the demonstration, these cups have never been handled before. "Flight attendants take your seats now", you hear, the pilot's voice trembling over a cacophony of alert tones. You get that smell in the bridge of your nose like you've just been hit with a football. That's what the fear smells like. The plane is going down.
Four more drastic drops in under a minute. People are crying. For all the folklore about how your life flashes before your eyes, you're remarkably fixed on one vision - your parents. They're sleeping at this very moment, in a bedroom so quiet they can hear the clock in the kitchen. And you can see them, clear as can be. You wish you could see a playground or a first kiss, but all you can see is your parents sleeping. Huh. Well, that's that.
Several long minutes go by. Then, all at once, the lights come back on and the plane somehow rights itself. Some people cheer, but most people cry harder. The plane lands about an hour later, and as soon as you feel that touch down - hell, even when you were within 50 feet of the ground and could still technically survive a fall - you realize that however you brokered the deal between you and God worked; you've just been granted life in overtime.
Here's the question: what do you change? Whom do you call that you haven't spoken to in years? Whom do you realize has been toxic to your heart and drop with surprising ease? What trips do you cancel, and what trips do you book? What can't you be bothered with anymore? What's the new you like?
Think about that, and then ask one more question. Why not just change it all right now?
(Working on it...)POSTED BY JOHN MAYER AT 04:48 AM FROM SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA

Judgement

You know what I can't stand. People who pass judgement.

Don't get me wrong, I know I've done it, I try not to do it, and when I do - I'll admit that it was wrong for me to do it.. But me personally - I'm a big believer in the whole "live and let live." I extend philosophy to those I meet, and I wish people would extend the same courtsey.

But how is it in less than 24 hrs, I've had two women tell me that it's a sin living with someone I love without marriage, or to even ponder having kids before marriage. Especially when these two women haven't necessarily been Virgin Marys all their lives... AND then they throw what I do for a living, as if I'm supposed to jump on the bandwagon of marriage just because I've becoming more religious, than sometimes I can handle?

It's hard enough for anyone to be who they truly are, but seriously folks, if you've got the time to pass judgement... I'll be more than happy to help you examine your lifestyle, before you criticize mine.

*hops off the soapbox*


--
(btw, i totally know i haven't been here for months. lots of fun stuff in the middle. i promise to catch you guys up soon.)