Gobble gobble, baby!!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones...

My Uncle James

Did ya know? I'm Filipina. (like you would know, I don't think I've talked about my ethnicity before...)

Anyways, in the Filipino community, you tend to call other fellow Filipinos that you're tight with - "family." So after awhile, you tend to amass numerous "cousins", "uncles," "aunties"... you get the picture. Throw a handful of "Moms," "Pops", and "Grandmas"... and you pretty much covered multiple families. Then everyone proceeds to get to know everyone's business, good or bad. But they are still the people you learn you can count on, regardless of blood relations or not.

Now, it's turn for you to meet some family. Meet my Uncle James. My friend Babe's uncle. Babe was like my Filipina best friend in high school. I was ALWAYS at hers or her grandmas, or her aunt & uncle's house across the street. We were always laughing and getting into all sorts of funny adventures. Back to Uncle James... he's so cool and so scary at the same time. I remember he had bit of a reputation to be a hard a**, but it was because he truly believes in you and he always knew that you can be better. He coaches, plays, and just loves basketball.

Anyways, he's one of the strongest men I've ever known. He, just recently, had a stroke. He's on the road to recovery, and started a blog to give updates to the people who care and most importantly, to have something to practice his speech. People are highly encouraged by the family to leave any comments, funny memories or just words for inspiration to Uncle James. So he can keep on, keepin' on. (Word on the street is that he's a real trooper and kicking recovery time's a**. But then again, I never had a doubt that he couldn't.)

So, when you feel like doing a good deed, check out this site and leave a little a little note:
My Uncle James

WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL??

How is it, I stop blogging for just a couple of days - and I come back and there's 3 MORE posts that I never wrote about soccer and whatever else??

HEY RANDOM BLOGGER... SET UP YOUR OWN DAMN BLOG.

That wasn't me.

Apologies to anyone who happen to catch the "ejaculate" post. That WASN'T me.

I have NO idea how someone broke into my blogger account.

And good lord, WHY?

thank you.

to my pal anthony who rehashed high school last night on the phone driving home from work.

thanks for reminding me that i have mojo.

*mwuah*

I've come to a conclusion...

...that I must've been either pretty ugly in high school or I've aged like a fine wine.

MySpace the phenom has that uncanny ability to connect you to people that you haven't heard from in years. some you actually, never planned on hearing from again. but in the past year or two, i've been "found" by people in high school. mind you, i don't really talk to anyone from high school, much anymore - except for the few i still maintain friendships with.

Anyways, some backstory... in high school, i was 50+ lighter, long curly hair, involved in everything. When I mean everything, I mean EVERYthing. There wasn't an activity I wasn't involved in. Plus, I was in the honors classes, an active in ASB, volunteering, etc. etc. I was all over the place. I even got an award for being "Mater Dei Personified" or something like that. Now, I realize I'm fully sounding off the "Nerd Alert", but seriously - that was you just did at Mater Dei. You joined. You made friends. You did it in the name of looking like the bright shining star on your college apps.

Now, because I was involved with alot, I knew alot of people. BUT, I wouldn't have considered myself popular - more like friendly, and that I had a lot of friends. With that in mind, I also had alot of crushes. But, because of the way I looked like or maybe the person I was, it was constantly told, "Oh, I like you, but not in that way.", "Can we just be friends?" or my personal favorite, "Oh, I've just always thought of you as a sister." Blows to my fragile, high school girl ego left and right. My guy friends that I secretly crushed on dated my girlfriends. The older guys thought I was "cute" but I was "Eric's little sister." It was like banging my head against the wall. Reality was the only boys that would ask me out, were either from public high school or they were older (like I went out with a graduated senior when I was a sophmore). I was the girl that wasn't going to the dances until I asked someone out. Or I just didn't go at all. And then when I was asked the next day, why I wasn't at the dance, I'd have to reply, "Um, that's because no one asked me." Then of course, I'd get the pity "Oh, I would've asked you but I thought you were already going..." blah blah blah. It wasn't until my senior year when someone from my school asked me out - I should've known I would've had a chance with him, because he was new to our class! Then after that quickly fizzled, I was asked out by a junior and ended up dating him until we broke up that summer...

To bring it back to today, something must've changed in college. Maybe what society had deemed as pretty, maybe because I didn't care so much about what my classmates thought anymore, but something changed. My ten-year reunion, I dragged my best gay pal to amuse me, slipped on a dress that I knew worked, and proceeded to crash it. (I refused to pony up $80 to get in.) Crashing it was not a problem, the girl working the door recognized me and people were calling my name from inside - so she ushered me in after a quick "hello" and a hug. (I don't think she realized I didn't pay.) Anywhoo, got inside and mingled my ass off. Everyone look like they had gained weight, dragged their bored spouse, balding... granted, I had put on weight, but I was feeling pretty damn good. (That and having a hot "date" worked, too!) Saw my friend Shannon, got some sweet revenge on a guy that I had had a crush on by pretending to not remember his name - but he rushed up to me and gave me a hug. And weirdly enough, one of the unattainable boys of my time, came up to me and made small talk. It was SO surreal. I lusted after this guy, and he would barely glance at me. Wouldn't you know, 10 years later, he's cornering me at the bar, trying to convince me to go upstairs. HUGE HUGE HUGE points for my inner high schooler that wished the boys would've looked at her!

Geeeez, back to MySpace. So, last year, another boy that all the girls had a crush on, got wind of me on site and was flirtatious as all hell to meet up for a drink. We did and ended up, sleeping together, drinking together for a good month last summer. I was surprised at the pull... without any effort no less! Then another guy, hit me up - I said no... and then another one, and then I said no again... Months have passed by, and now another boy I had a crush on is COMPLETELY riding me to meet up for a drink. (No worries, dear readers, I love my Chris.)

Really, why now? What I that bad in high school or is it because I just don't care anymore? Have I aged like a wine?

Screw it, I wanna be a super dirty, downright filthy martini.

bachelorette party, part II - the email

"I just tried to call you back. Work is really stressful right now. So you have my permission to plan what you and margrette agree on or if you want, email your ideas and I'll let you know. You sounded pretty annoyed on the voicemail and I didn't want the party to come down to that. I'm not expecting much and I'm easy to please. I just wanted to know if something as major as location change took place that I should probably know, in case my friends have questions."

What the hell? Are you serious? Why should Margrette get the say when I'M the one paying for it? F*ck it. I don't want to plan the party anymore. I have a book that I have to start writing and tv footage I'm supposed to be reviewing.

Margrette could be the Maid of Honor (or Matron) 'cause I really don't give a sh*t anymore.

what the f*ck.

i'm so annoyed.

i'm trying to plan my sister's bachelorette party. if it's not girls/gay boys calling me to ask me why THAT weekend, my sister's refusal to give me input because she wants it to be a surprise - but she sure as hell has no problem telling our cousin margrette what she wants and doesn't want, or money... i swear, this is why i don't plan parties or events for people I actually know. you're more apt to wanting to kill a relative than a stranger.

original plan as of 10/2: cocktails, dinner, dessert, games, and strippers.
suggested plan as of 10/3: cocktails, dinner, dessert, games, strippers, and then party bus to LA for clubbing
suggested plan as of 10/4: cocktails, dinner, dessert, games, party bus to LA for strippers and clubbing.

WHAT THE HELL! Doesn't anyone realize that this all comes down to MONEY, people???

bridezillas.

wisdom from HH Dalai Lama

1. attitude is our greatest obstacle. as a society we suffer from extreme self-centeredness, preventing us from reaching our potential.

2. respect others' rights. as social animals, we need to live as a group together. we have the capacity to unite.

3. all religions, all traditions, promote love. forgiveness. contentment. the common message is to elevate human values.

"every human being has some moral obligation, some responsibility to better the world... to save the world.

no wonder he gets a rockstar reception wherever he goes.

look.

i amuse myself.

Why is it...

That Forbes’ list of 10 richest people in the U.S. that 5 of them are college dropouts. Bill Gates, there’s a shocker, is #1 – and he dropped out of Harvard.

 

I’m beginning to think that my degree is completely overrated… *lol*

 

 

HA!

I can blog from both my mobile AND my email.

You can’t escape me.

I may just be on my way to becoming a daily blogger!

Mobile Test

Testing 1, 2, 3... tap, tap, tap.

denouement.

"de‧noue‧ment [dey-noo-mahn] –noun
1. the final resolution of the intricacies of a plot, as of a drama or novel.
2. the place in the plot at which this occurs.
3. the outcome or resolution of a doubtful series of occurrences."

He finally came home yesterday - while of course, our house was exploding. And by exploding, I mean the plumbing had literally cause our master bath, master toliet, guest bath and guest toliet to EXPLODE all over the place. (another story. another time.)

Fate reared its ugly head, when I went to pick up my vmail, and heard his instead. We have the same access code, but I accidentally dialed his number. (Don't roll your eyes at me, I did. I nearly jumped his bones when he came home, so I had no suspicion at this point.) I know the girls that called him earlier in the week were our neighbors, because she had called earlier that day to tell me how much fun they had. (Not malicious, she's a sweet girl.) But what I heard was another woman's voice, telling him that his buddy got home and that to give her a call when he gets a chance - and thanks for the wonderful weekend.

I completely lost it.

I came out, guns blazing, screaming at him about the vmail. He then proceeded to tell me it was Barbie - a girl I know about - that had come on the weekend, in hopes of hooking up with his friend Mark. And that there was no way anything was going to happen with him and her, or him and any other women for that matter. Because his aunt is fiercely protective of our relationship, and because - most importantly of all - he wasn't planning to cheat on me, because he wouldn't want to hurt me. "It's not worth it," he said.

All is said and done. He realizes that was an accident - checking his vmail. He apologized for not giving me the rundown of Mark's hookup with Barbie. It didn't occur to him to mention it. we kissed, made up.

He hadn't slept well all vacation. And neither did I while he was gone. But, we finally slept well, together.

...

my eyes ache.

my head feels heavy.

and my heart hurts.

put the cards on the table.

just got off the phone with him. we'd been on the phone for almost two hours.

i laid out all the cards on the table. I told him that there's too much good stuff to throw away, but the bad stuff, albeit small in quantity, is BIG. and then i told him, tearfully, i don't know if i want to do this anymore.

he cried. he put his cards on the table, too. he agrees with the good stuff/bad stuff. but started to cry when i said i didn't know about us anymore.

"i'm going to leave for a couple of days," i told him. "to think." he asked me to be there when he got home, and then to see if i still need to go. i agreed that was fair enough, and that i'm being pretty cowardly to take off when he's gone.

we'll just have to see where the day takes us.

time keeps on slippin'...

it's been a month since i've last blogged. can't believe time has flown by that fast.

i've since quit MM, and now am working for another place. Way better benefits, more money, shorter working hours - and I get to write. it's nice. been busy working on my sister's upcoming nuptials. dropped dress size since june. yey me.

but, do you ever feel like - there's always something that has to be wrong? sounds pretty elementary, I know. hear me out. it's like there's a mental checklist out there. Here are my basic needs: love, health, family, shelter, income, food. for long while it was income and health were my biggest worries. I hated my job, and my health took its toll. now that income, health, shelter, food, and family are all good. love has to go wrong.

we've been fighting for a little over a week now. he's on a boys trip to vegas. he's staying at his aunt's with a buddy. he swears he's committed. i did a girl thing and checked his voicemail. sure enough, a girl had called, left a message, asking him if they were meeting up tonight. (yes, he's got friends in vegas, but still.)

a wise woman once told me to "trust implicitly or doubt complusively."

i love him so much, but i'm not quite sure if this is what I want anymore. it's not that i don't want him. but i don't know if i want to go back to this insecure, doubtful, always wondering state.

when we started dating after he got his divorce, we were dating. not just him and I, but other people as well. but then, last year - when the holidays rolled around, we started getting serious. then we found out we were pregnant, and 6 weeks later, we miscarried. then he asked me to move in on february 16. he said that us being at a valentine's dinner at my actual place at the time made him realize that he didn't want me to come back to my house. he wanted me to make his place, my place, too. then i made him wait 3 days until i gave him my answer.

ever since i've moved in, it's been a committed relationship. but now, with him in vegas. i just don't know.

forgive me father, for I have sinned.

I just told a WHOPPER of a lie.

I'm a bad person.

I mean a really bad person.

10 Things You Don't Know About Women by Alyssa Milano

1. Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a genderwide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy.

2. Women produce half the world's food but own only 1 percent of its farmland. So we're fine with you picking up the tab. And after about three thousand dinners at Nobu, we should be even.

3. Women like porn, too. We just hate it when you hide the porn.

4. Women remember everything. Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend Cathy's pink top, which was big on her because Cathy is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Jack and Coke with two straws, and talking to Bill, that mutual friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod. This still infuriates her. ("How could you give me the nod?")

5. An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.

6. No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.) You have two options: Tie yourself to a tree and wait out the storm, or stock up at Tiffany's, toss a blue box or two into the wind, and hope for the best. We recommend the latter. (The key chain doesn't count.)

7. We think it's weird when you watch sports and concentrate to help your team.

8. "Hey, Melissa, who's the boss?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Phoebe, where'd you park your broomstick?" Not a good pickup line. "Hey, Alyssa, you look 250 pounds lighter than Brian Dennehy in that dress." Surprisingly good pickup line.

9. Women hear better than men. That's before you even factor in listening skills and attention spans. Come to think of it, I should have listed this one first because I'm sure I've lost you by now.

10. You may be surprised to know that women were responsible for inventing all of the following: the circular saw, the signal flare, the space suit, the bulletproof vest, and the windshield wiper. You're welcome.


*taken from Esquire magazine

**fun fact: Back in 1993, I had to touch Alyssa Milano's boobs in a makeshift dressing room to help her get a tight shirt on. Jealous? *LOL*

thought for the day.

had a startling revelation at 4 a.m. this of course, following a HUGE row that chris & i got into this morning.

a wise person once said, "people tell you exactly who they are. the trick is to actually listen."

we're back in a good place now. it took some talking, crying, hugging - but it was worth it.

4th week - have to vent.

hello hello...

4th week into my leave... and I'm a bit relaxed. Gone is the tingling in my arms. Have a second interview with a great prospect on Friday. Supposed to get a call from another company about setting up an interview.

So, I've settled into a routine where I'm actually relaxed. Yes, I'm a bit bored, but I can't help it - I'm Type A. Here's my peeve though... because I am on this leave, my sister seems to think I don't do anything all day long. So, she's taken the liberty to volunteer me for various family projects. I'm like - WTF? Driving my little brother to LAX, watching my parents' house for the air conditioning guy, take their dog to the vet, etc. etc. Not that I mind - but ASK first, you know? My parents were, "We weren't going to ask you because you're always doing something, but she said you could."

And then she gets upset with me when I ask her to ASK me first. She goes, "What else do you have going on that you can't do that?" I wanted smack the crap out of her.

But I choose not to stress over that. I'm about picking the battles.

DON'T WASTE THE PRETTY.

3 week into my medical leave - and I'm on cleaning spree! But, I also stumbled upon words of wisdom from relationship guru, Greg Behrendt. So here, dear friends, is some notable advice from Greg...

"You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But... the only way you can find out that there's something better out there is to first believe there's something better out there."

Cheers & Jeers

Just got back from doctor's visit. Am NOT cleared to go back until aug. 7.

Jeers: Blood pressure came down, not as much as it was on Saturday (124/90) but it's somewhat down (148/86). My goal is 110/80. So, they've switched me to different meds.

Cheers: Dropped 2 lbs. :)

Wisdom From A Soul Surfer

I came across this in the latest Glamour magazine, and thought I'd pass on the wisdom. When Laird Hamilton, incredible big wave surf legend, was asked what three things guys wish women learned growning up, he responded that he was teaching his daughters the following:

1. Your love is precious. Don't give it to someone undeserving.
2. You can't rescue a man; he has to be happy on his own before you can be happy together.
3. And you're not Cinderella, so don't think you need a man to rescue you.

Now if we could just pass this on to every women, I think we'd all be much happier.

progress...

it is amazing how my boss can still cause me to have an anxiety attack under 30 minutes and i haven't see her in a week.

1 week down. 1 week to go.

I've officially been on leave for a week now and I've been one helluva rollercoaster to live with - just ask C. I've been angry, frustrated, and bored out of my mind. I've been restless, unfocused and moody.

Today is a new start.

Made it to the gym at 4 a.m. Feel good - got in a hour and half of cardio. Ate breakfast of egg whites and toast. Working on cleaning up the home office. Got an interview at 2 p.m. and determined to kick-ASS at it.

p.s. - had a nightmare that I went BACK to work. I think that's been by far the most frightening thing that I've dreamt in months!

to leave.

I'm officially on medical leave.

I went to my doctor's yesterday to pick up a note documenting my history of asthma. Because, you know, Money Mailer didn't believe me and wanted more documentation than what I had already submitted in December. Well, he did the usual check up (questions, took my temp, etc) and then flipped out. My blood pressure is 190/120. He retook it 2 more times, and asked me what was going on. That's when I broke down crying - telling him about my sleepless but nightmare-filled nights, my anxiety attacks, my short-fused anger, the miscarriage, my stress... and then he recounted with, "Well, at this point, you're the perfect candidate for a heart attack, and you're only 32 with no prior history of high blood pressure until this year." He ordered me to stress leave immediately for two weeks, along with blood pressure medication for three weeks. He wants me to use this time to relax, have fun and most importantly, get another job.

He actually told me, "Christine, you need to breathe."

enough

 “But when you get to the point where you feel like you’re owed the paycheck, it’s time to look for something else.” – Maxine Clark

bored.

So, I’m back in the office after a busy month of training weeks and traveling.

 

Now everyone is out on vacation.

 

I hate this job. So, much that I’m going to do a phone interview in a couple of minutes.

 

I have a load of work to do, deadlines and no motivation.

 

I’m trapped in hell.

anger

I wasn’t really going to discuss it, but I did something last week – that really upset me. I was having an incredibly crap Wednesday – the training week, the director I was dealing with, working long hours, etc. I finally get off of work, it’s blazing humid outside, and I realize I need gas to make it home. Just another irritation - $3.27/gal, and I have a 15 gal tank, dangit. There goes another $50.

 

So, there I am - at the gas station (Arco @ Trask & Brookhurst) and a truck full of day-laborers pulls up next to me. Not that I’m hot or anything, but the cat-calls start, making me more edgy. Then I turn around and see a guy pumping MY gas into HIS car! At Arco, there’s a communal pay station, and you punch in the pump you want to use. He straight starting pumping MY gas into HIS car! So, I confront him by saying, “Excuse me! I paid for that gas!! You’re stealing my gas!” He looks at me funny and says, “No. I paid for this.” And I start yelling, “You’re stealing my gas! I paid for the gas!” and he looks at me and says, “No speaka English.” Fuming, I completely lose it, take a step back, and punch him, square on the jaw. He falls backward, and the station attendant comes running out of the booth. He says that he was watching everything and tells the guy to either pay for the gas he took from me, or he’s going to call the cops and have him arrested for stealing gas. The old Asian guy flips out, speaks perfect English and start yelling, “She hit me, she punched me. I want to have her arrested for assault!” My jaw drops, and the attendant says, “No way man! You provoked her! She would’ve never hit if you didn’t steal her gas in the first place!” He fishes out $10 from his pocket, throws it a guy, takes a pic of my car with his car phone, and speeds off. The gas attendant gets me a pack of ice for my hand and bottle of water to drink and apologized profusely for not coming out sooner. He took a pic of the guy’s car as he took off.

 

I called C, panicked and crying – afraid that I was going to get in trouble for hitting the guy. Moreover, I was more freaked out that my anger had taken itself to the physical level and that I actually hit someone.  C had assured me that everything was going to be ok, he was proud of me and that there would be NO way any cop would side with the other guy, considering I decked the guy in pink sweater, black skirt and heels.  I was more freaked out that I lost control – getting that aggressive hadn’t happened since high school (I was defending my sister from a guy who was bullying her by punching him in the stomach). I mean, c’mon – the gas-stealing guy was my dad’s age, drove a Volvo. I couldn’t believe he faked not knowing English, and had the damn money in his pocket. C justified it as I’m so Type A, that losing control over my emotions like that has to be scary.

 

 

 

 

thought for the day.

Don't doubt yourself today, Christine. Emotionally you should be feeling quite strong, although feelings of inadequacy could sneak into the picture. This could be because you are having trouble understanding issues that seem rather cloudy. Just because things aren't exactly clear doesn't mean that they aren't working out in your best interest. As long as you remain confident that things will come out fine, they will.

o canada, part II

so sad to go home tomorrow. i love vancouver. i think i love this place more than i did when I first visited back in 1999. i think it's because this time, i'm sharing vancouver with someone i love. back in 99, i came by myself, met up with some online pals, and checked off a task on my life's to-do list (visit another country, by myself.) despite fighting a sinus cold since wednesday night, i am still having a wonderful time.

last night, as c and i were walking to our hotel room. he turned to me and said, "you know, i don't know how else to say this, but you're the first girl i've been with that i love more and more each day. just when i think you've stopped growing on me, you find another way. i've never been this way before - been with someone that i love and appreciate more and more every single day." i was floored, and some lame attempt at humor said, "what usually happens?" and he said, "it's like i reach my point, and then the interest teeters off. but with you, and all the years of knowing and loving you, i can't imagine my life without you, ever." i just about melting all over the hotel hallway. nothing could describe my happiness at that point. it just made our holiday all the more memorable and lovely.

today, checking out the vancouver museum. will post pics when i figure out what's wrong with my geocities account.

xox,
C

Hooray! Hooray!

It's vacation time, today!!

Can you believe it??

I'm actually taking a vacation!

We're headed to lovely Vancouver, BC in about 2 hours!

So excited! Will post from BC soon.

xox,
C

ahh... 4-20

happy 420 day to all those who celebrate it... and in honor of such a day, a treat for you!

Karma

“People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead.”  
— Edith Wharton, American novelist (1862-1937), from The Age of Innocence

 

I just spent $15.15 to trying to make up for some possibly bad karma.  What did I do, you ask?

 

Well, my girlfriend at work and I decided to see if her best friend’s boyfriend was cheating on her. So, taking an idea from KIIS-FM (don’t hate), we decided to pull a “Ryan’s Roses” on her beau. “Ryan’s Roses” is Ryan Seacrest’s (again, don’t hate) way of busting unsuspecting boyfriends/husbands/lovers. What they do is they give a call to the suspect, pretend to be a brand new flower shop that just opened up and telling them that they won 1 dozen roses, free delivery, anywhere they chose. The object of the game is for them to fess up the intended’s name and message. 80% of the time on the radio, they bust the suspect (sad statistics, isn’t it?) on cheating on their other half.

 

We conspired yesterday to bust R’s boyfriend by pulling a “Ryan’s Roses.”  We call up G; tell him that he won roses and where can we send them. He gives me his address to send them to HIS MOTHER with the message that, “I love you, Mom.” He then proceeds to tell me that his mom has been going through a tough time, and that he just wants to tell her that he loves her. God, I start to feel like crap. He actually sounded sincere and nice.

 

T calls me first thing in the a.m. to tell me that we’re completely burning in hell. Turns out his GRANDMOTHER just passed on Wednesday and his mother is mourning. That’s why he chose to send the flowers to his mom instead of R.

 

So, we just bought them a dozen roses to be delivered today. Spend $45 bucks. All I can hear are those immortal words of Earl Hickey…

 

Earl: Karma. You gotta love it!

 

 

feeling uber-guilty

(excuse the mindless ramblings…)

 

So. I’ve been modifying my diet (I hate the word “diet”). Cut out carbs, eating salads twice a day, eating every couple of hours to keep my metabolism up.

 

I’ve been stressed out lately – cheating 3 days in a row – by eating some type of bread product.

 

But lately, people have been coming up to me telling me that I’ve lost weight, what have I been doing… so now… I’m back on the wagon.

 

Silly that I blog about this, maybe it’s because I’ve become OCD about food.

oh. so. true.

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)

Although you are rather optimistic now, there is a serious streak that also finds its way to the surface. You aren't willing to set aside your fears, for they are based on very real patterns from your past. To blindly deny them would be dangerous. At the same time, however, recognize that the current situation is not the same as old ones. And the biggest difference just may be your increased awareness.

 

thought for the day

“Don’t be afraid that your life will end.

Be afraid that it will never begin.”

                                -Grace Hansen

have to tell someone!

Just discovered one of the ladies I work with… was in THREE of Rick James’ videos as the token hottie.

 

Awesome. Simply awesome.

Please kill me now.

OMG. I am so angry. I hate my job.

It’s not even 8 a.m. and I already want to kill myself.

Why is it, the incompetent ones are the ones with the power?

 

O Canada!

There is something incredibly wrong with this country when…

 

We’ve got a President who thinks it’s okay for the UAE to control 5 of our major ports of entry.

 

A Death Row inmate (convicted of torturing, raping and murdering a 17 year-old with 26 bashes to her skull) gets his execution HALTED because they fear that lethal injection would be a cruel and unusual punishment. Yeah, because I’m sure the 17 year-old ASKED to be tortured, raped and murdered.

 

AND…

 

South Dakota is considering banning nearly ALL abortion in the state, except in case in which it can harm the mother’s life. Therefore, in the situation in which the woman was raped, the rapist now has a say in the unborn child’s life. Once again, because I’m sure the woman asked to be raped.

 

What the hell is wrong with today’s society?

 

Anywhere but the US is looking better and better everyday.

"I bend but I do not break."

Being Twenty-Something…

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that maybe those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused.

Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better.

Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One-night-stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself...and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

"I bend but I do not break."

times are a-changin'

They really are.

 

C has asked me to move in with him. The day after Valentine’s day. Big step for the both of us – being that both of us swore to never to live with a significant other ever again. He’s really excited, and so am I. talked with my roomies, gave them a month’s notice.

 

Getting our second dog on Saturday, another Corgi. His name is Sammy and he’s adorable. Will post pics.

 

Wanted to quickly post. Will talk more later.

 

Kisses!

 

 

 

 

I'm just sad.

I haven’t really blogged about it, but I haven’t been feeling good for the past couple of weeks. Nausea, vomiting, exhaustion – all signs pointing to pregnancy, right? Well, it turns out I was – but I miscarried, too.

 

I know this means it’s a good sign and that I can get pregnant, but I can’t help being sad about what could’ve been.

 

L

TRAPPED IN HELL.

What’s worse?

 

People thinking that you have all the free time in the world, WHEN YOU DON’T.

 

-OR-

 

People thinking that you don’t know how to do your DAMN job.

 

lovely thought for the day.

Someone will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their partners will fix more things around the house. So let it go and love you and your circumstances. Think about it. The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. And the most highly favored woman at your job may be unable to have children. The richest woman you know - she's got the car, the house, the clothes - might be heartbreakingly lonely. So, love you. Love who you are right now. Tell yourself, "I am too blessed to be stressed." Be blessed ladies and pass this on to encourage another woman. "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world." Possibilities and miracles are one and the same. -Anonymous

 

sooooo true...

Now that you have gotten a solid grip on your situation, unexpected things may come along that change the rules all over again on you, Christine. It may feel like the chair you just got comfortable in has suddenly been pulled out from under you. Don't get angry; just realize that this is probably a sign that you need to move on. Keep things new and exciting. Share your thoughts and ideas with others.

happy. happy. joy. joy.

*does a dance*

Haven't had a chance to blog it when I originally received the news, but...

My ultrasound and mammogram checked out negative!

It's all good. No cancer for me! :)

Thank you to all for your concern and well wishes.

the waiting game.

ok. so i made it throught the ultrasound and mammogram. now, it just have to wait.

3 - 5 days.

waiting.

waiting.

waiting.

not so tough after all.

yesterday i went to the doctor as a follow-up to my bronchitis for the month of december. lungs checked out great, ears are good, and i even managed to lower my blood pressure. in an effort to get to in good health for 2006, i was so ambitious to schedule a well-woman exam. couldn't do the lower part ('cause my visitor came earlier than expected), but did get the breast exam - due to a scare last year. turns out that sometimes as PMS, you can get a random lump or two, that disappears after the cycle is complete.

didn't pass the breast exam as well as I had hoped. have to go back on friday for an ultrasound. she has some concerns about what she's found - and wants to get one done for a peace of mind.

i am terrified.



p.s. - if you know me in real life, please don't ask me about this just yet. i just want to get this over with. thank you. much loves.

belated, i know but...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

a wonderful, blissful new year is my wish for you...

cheers. xoxox