it's been a month since i've last blogged. can't believe time has flown by that fast.
i've since quit MM, and now am working for another place. Way better benefits, more money, shorter working hours - and I get to write. it's nice. been busy working on my sister's upcoming nuptials. dropped dress size since june. yey me.
but, do you ever feel like - there's always something that has to be wrong? sounds pretty elementary, I know. hear me out. it's like there's a mental checklist out there. Here are my basic needs: love, health, family, shelter, income, food. for long while it was income and health were my biggest worries. I hated my job, and my health took its toll. now that income, health, shelter, food, and family are all good. love has to go wrong.
we've been fighting for a little over a week now. he's on a boys trip to vegas. he's staying at his aunt's with a buddy. he swears he's committed. i did a girl thing and checked his voicemail. sure enough, a girl had called, left a message, asking him if they were meeting up tonight. (yes, he's got friends in vegas, but still.)
a wise woman once told me to "trust implicitly or doubt complusively."
i love him so much, but i'm not quite sure if this is what I want anymore. it's not that i don't want him. but i don't know if i want to go back to this insecure, doubtful, always wondering state.
when we started dating after he got his divorce, we were dating. not just him and I, but other people as well. but then, last year - when the holidays rolled around, we started getting serious. then we found out we were pregnant, and 6 weeks later, we miscarried. then he asked me to move in on february 16. he said that us being at a valentine's dinner at my actual place at the time made him realize that he didn't want me to come back to my house. he wanted me to make his place, my place, too. then i made him wait 3 days until i gave him my answer.
ever since i've moved in, it's been a committed relationship. but now, with him in vegas. i just don't know.
No comments:
Post a Comment