*sad*

Even though I don't know if I really want a relationship or not, I'm not happy with C and the possibilities of him sleeping with other women. I know he's talking to other women, and nothing's really come of it - or so he says - but it is really bothering me that we haven't had sex in three weeks.

So I told him, that we should just be friends, even if for right now. I told him because I hate wondering if he's sleeping with other girls, and that's why he's not sleeping with me. Or if I'm bad in bed. Or if I'm not attractive enough to sleep with. Or if he just really doesn't sleep with me. I don't like having to coerce someone to sleep with me. I want someone to want to sleep with me. I joked with him this a.m. while we were cuddling, "Thanks for yesterday, it was really nice to see you - despite all this g-rated snuggling." He laughed and said, "G-rated? Here, I can make it x-rated." and pulled down his pants. So I looked at him and said, "That's all I get?" And he said, "Sure, hop on." And I smacked him and said, "Whatever. I have to do everything." And he just laughed. That's when it hit me - I have to do it all.. and I'm tired of it. I think that's why I liked sleeping with Dan, because he has the throw down. But even he doesn't pan out. Chris and I have become just affectionate friends - we're not even friends with benefits.

C isn't handling the news very well. He was like, "You are #1 in my life." And I said, "This takes the sex edge off, C. Now every time we hang out, I won't be hoping we get to sleep together - and not - and then getting let down. The pressure is off."

I am gloomy.
Like the weather.