heart-breaking.

i'm starting to think that i'm at the beginning to an end.

the times i've told c that i want our relationship to end, in order to save our friendship - i get hit with tremendous protest and lots of talks over and over to work things out. i love him so, but i don't know if i can keep going through this cycle. and now that the sex has gone to complete sh*t, really - what is the difference between friendship and a relationship w/o sex.

i think i should just start to step back, fade away. i know it's something that can't happen overnight, because he is my best friend. but in awhile, i feel like this is the only way i can keep my heart from breaking to pieces.

i don't know if i'm just getting out before i get really hurt, or if i should stay and run the risk.

i guess i need something, something i can truly believe in - a sign, a ray of hope, anything - to keep my hope alive.