seriously.
i don't have a boyfriend. i have a best guy friend that i sleep with. i have another friend, one from high school, that i sleep with occasionally - when he's in town. i have an old co-worker that i make out with once we start drinking. i have a long distance friend that i flirt with outrageously that i have no real intention of meeting real life. i have international exes (aus, uk) that call to reminsce, and inadvertedly leads to phone sex.
but it's interesting that we all choose to play this game with each other. the whole "can't-commit" game. makes you wonder why we have no intention of going beyond physical. i know i have reason - both boy me and girl me have reasons for NOT going beyond. it's a mind-boggling, power struggle of both sides.
the boy me? she has no time for commitment. no time to deal with the drama of a commitment. don't want to be smothered. don't want to have to answer to anyone about spending time with my girlfriends. my guy friends. or by myself. she enjoys making out randomly with my guy friends. she loves the possibility of new sex. she loves pushing it to the limit to see how far, how flirtatious she will go - before she pulls the "awww, i gotta get up early in the a.m." card to see the look of total lust, wanting in their eyes - and then gives them one last kiss goodbye.
the girl me? well, she screams to be heard. she checks her best friend's emails, vmails, bed to see if there's anyone else has slept there when she's not there. she gets incredibly jealous when she sees any her boy playmates flirtatious correspondence with other women. she longs to be held at the end of the night. for someone to commit to her and only to her. for someone to think she's the most beautiful woman in the world, and for him to fear the idea of losing her. someone to want me, love me, and want to consume me in a love that is timeless.
the boy me kicks the girl me into reason and submission. the girl me b*tchslaps and shakes the boy me to looking into my heart.
... and the battle rages on.
1 comment:
I hope you find someone special - in the end, you'll be a lot happier.
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